I prefer to collaborate than solo create, so I started this thread to hear from you, learn from you, and discuss whatever might be on your minds!
Feel free to ask questions, share thoughts, or give suggestions for future articles and essays.
(Oops, I thought this was a chat thread, but it didn’t show up in the app for me lol. Started a new thread in the chat part of the app. “If at first you don’t succeed blah blah blah…”)
This is not so much a question as it is a rumination. I started following you a year or so back. In the beginning I was like many who knew little about you and even less about NXIVM. Finding thing I was reading to be strange, I bought some of the hype. You were very open & seemed so genuine. I followed you because you are so relatable. I continued to read more into NXIVM and the case against Mr. Raniere and the members that had charges brought against them. I continued to question the public narrative.
I honestly feel that you have advanced the quest in questioning the flaws in due process. It's also enlightening to see how people from all walks of life can bond over shared search for equality and justice.
I want to thank you for being the sweet, warm person you are.
Now for the questions. Were you able to maintain the friendships you made in NXIVM? Are you still working as an actress or has this experience made it more difficult to get roles?
Thank you, Rita, for the kind words and for doing your own research. I know it's a complicated story, so I don't blame people who accept (and get scared by) the narrative that's out there. It's just difficult when people are committed to their position when they really have no idea what happened. I think we're all guilty of taking certain things at face value, but it's another level when you use that superficial perception to hurt others. Thanks for standing up for me, even though it can get a little spicy at times lol.
To answer your questions, I am still friends with many of the people I met through and during NXIVM. Some are public, like the women in the Dossier Project, and many more are behind the scenes because the reputational risk is too high to be publicly associated. Unfortunately, everyone is a lot more spread out than they used to be, so I don't get to see as many friends in person, but I suppose we're not alone in that since COVID.
I'm not currently working as an actress, although I do have a new manager and I'm open to opportunities. The media prejudice has definitely made it difficult to get roles. It's hard to say exactly how much because it's not like people are forthcoming with why they DON'T want you to audition, but I'm certain it's a factor based on what my manager has said and what I know about the industry. I'm hopeful the right opportunities will come along when it's right, however, so I'm not stressing. I have much bigger goals than being on TV again, even though I really enjoy acting.
Nicki, I find it so strange that no one in the community has come forward to discuss the technology of Executive Success Systems and NXIVM. I’m a student of NLP, Tony Robbins, hypnosis and various human potential philosophies and amidst all the narrative of the court case, I can’t help but want to assess for myself whether these techniques would help the broader public create effective personal change. Do people have manuscripts laying around their homes? How and/or when will these teachings get out there for the public to assess fairly?
Hi John, that’s an excellent question. I think one of the biggest tragedies in all this, besides innocent people in prison, is the number of people who won’t be able to benefit from the tools. Obviously I remain hopeful, but get dozens of messages from people wanting to have access. As for being able to share the curriculum publicly, it’s a bit tricky for two reasons. 1) The education itself was inductive and experiential, so you can’t get it from reading a page. 2) I believe the government took the rights to it and since the case is still active, I don’t know what the implications of that are. In any case, I really hope things change and that we can provide the education to the public, at least in some format, in the future.
It does kind of sucks that the seminars are unaccessible now. I've watched as many as I could find by digging around on the web. Mr. Raniere is a very charismatic speaker. His model for his seminars actually held a US patent.
Strange bit of self-indulgence, but the surprise is as in the text. So unexpected it's difficult to explain to people I work with, and I'm not sure I understand it myself so let's just say I'm emitting words without true comprehension.
This is going to be a long preamble into a little spark of life.
Advancing into old age, the last thing I expected to acquire in my life was a teenage girl as a kind-of hanger-on. She has a boyfriend - it's not that kind of relationship. He's an annoyingly nice, laid-back bloke. Insufferably so, in fact. In vocal terms, she is a Zeppelin full of words. Puncture it and they leak out under pressure in enormous volumes. None of which make any sense. She's like a word-processor on Benzedrine.
Some years ago I started working in a Pub (USA - 'Bar') locally and this girl joined the same day as me. She was under 18 then and had to leave work latest at Ten pm. After the lockdowns finished, she was over 18 and could stay at the Pub for closing and cleaning. Which meant she was leaving the Pub at maybe two in the morning. I think (don't 'know', just think) her parents are divorced since she's never once mentioned her father in three years, but I know she's had a very fraught time with her Mum. At least that's what I read into the omissions.
Since I started working with her (I no longer work at the pub) I've put her up in my house two or three times since things boiled over at home. However, house rules demanded she accompany me for the walks with the Dogs. There's a reason I can tweet at 2:00 in the morning - and it's not because I go to bed late..!...
So when she leaves the Pub at silly-o'clock in the morning, sometimes she's waiting for me outside the house for a dogwalk if things are a bit fragile at home. Whilst she's now in her early twenties and a archetypal airhead, she's also a victim of 'Education, education, education' (Tony Blair - 1997). I had to teach her how to tell the time from a circular clock. She wasn't taught at school. Until she met me, she thought that when the stars appeared in the night sky, that they rearranged in random patterns every night. So I taught her a little bit of astronomy and bought her a little portable telescope from Ebay.
That little bit of inspiration has hit her like a thunderbolt. I taught her how and where to spot planets and one morning she couldn't contain herself to tell me excitedly she'd used her Smartphone to look up some simple Astronomy stuff. She very proudly showed me where the Pleiades were, and explained to me what the cluster was. She now knows there are as many as two uses of a smartphone - Snapchat and Astronomy. (I'm not an astronomer....)
I never had children and it's been some years since I was married. However, I'm beginning to think I'm some kind of surrogate parent, or even grandparent. I get picked up and\or discarded at irregular intervals (just a term of language - I'm not being melodramatic or self-pitying, it's not a form of resentment).
I'm not certain if I'm trying to say anything really. Just that sometimes something comes at you unexpectedly from leftfield and against all the odds, you find you're mentally equal to it.
That’s a beautiful story, thank you for sharing. I love your descriptions, very vivid. Are you a writer? I am a big fan of “odd couple” type friendships and have had many throughout my life. From a 95-year-old admirer to a convicted murderer. I try to see people as they are and, perhaps, also how they want to be seen. We can learn from everyone and offer gifts in return. How wonderful.
I think 'odd couple' might be it. To the lady herself, in the right costume she'd be a dead-ringer for Carrie Fisher in 1975. Dark piercing eyes an' all. When her friends ask her about this odd old man she hangs around with, she tells them 'He's an intellectual'. (!)
A couple of years ago I came home late and she'd invited some of her girlfriends to my house for a cultural Vodka appreciation evening. I had to sleep on the floor. All beds occupied by near-comatose nimble girls. Two Rottweilers entwined somehow among them. (As per photo, Buffy and WIllow. Willow to the left as you see her.)
As it happens, it's nice. I like it. In fact, it's the best thing that's happened to me for some years.
As to your question - no, I'm not formally a writer. Over my years I've been extremely inarticulate, even to the point of being almost mute. The internet has given me a voice I'd never have had otherwise. Maybe say in communication terms, I'm a late bloomer. However, being you're someone who takes cues from written and script pieces, I'll take the implied compliment!
Learning by doing is the only way, and you happened to have asked a deep question that I may write about. I don’t have a dog but I think about getting one a lot. I don’t have a backyard or a very stable lifestyle, so it doesn’t seem fair, but it’s kind of an indulgence I allow myself when I’m avoiding other things, looking at rescue dogs to find that one calling my name. (Spoiler alert: they all are 🤣)
I'm glad you're continuing to find the best inside this whole public "mess". I will be subscribed and follow along. Maybe even start something similar.
What is your perspective on a person who wants to comment or ask questions, but is afraid of what might happen to them if they do?
Thanks, Damon. I’ve appreciated your musings on the mess as well. It’s obviously a lot to unpack, but I hope to provide an alternative to the reductive and dehumanizing narrative that’s out there, even if it takes some time.
As for your question, I suppose it depends on what the fear is. If it’s a fear of public scrutiny, then perhaps doing so anonymously is an option. Although my perspective is that the more people who are willing to take a public stance, the more it makes it possible for others to come out of the shadows. It’s hard to be a pioneer, but somebody has to do it. I can only speak for myself, but it’s definitely been worth it to speak the truth despite the drawbacks.
Hi Nicki, can you comment on your marriage to Alison Mack and whether it was a marriage of convenience or romantic love? A lot of people wonder this and so far I haven't seen you address it publicly (apologies if you have and I've missed it!!) Thank you.
I have addressed it, but it's still very painful for me to discuss since the government separated us and I have not been able to speak with her for nearly 4 years. I love her very much and only wish her the best.
I'm not sure what you mean by real, but I love her very much and we had planned to spend our lives together. Sadly, I have not spoken with her in nearly 4 years.
Have you since found love again with someone else? Were you in love with Keith too during your marriage? I'm sorry if this is an unpleasant question, I don't want to hurt you, I'm just curious to know the answer. :) Thank you.
Hi Alli, thanks for your questions. It seems that you might be misinformed about several things, but I'll answer to the best of my ability or ask for clarifications. I'm not sure what you believe Keith's stance on victimhood to be. Personally, I believe people can be victims and that one can also choose not to adopt victim mentality or create an identity around it. I have seen no proof of any malfeasance with regard to past members. If there is proof, I'm happy to look at it. I also never heard Keith say he was celibate, in fact the opposite. On numerous occasions, he declared publicly that he had sexual relationships. My experience of the curriculum is that it helped people understand themselves better and if they happened to have experienced abuse, the tools were helpful in removing any shame or personal blame the person may have experienced. It's unfortunate that the "media" out there takes clips out of context, so I understand the misunderstandings. Hope this helps a bit.
This is not so much a question as it is a rumination. I started following you a year or so back. In the beginning I was like many who knew little about you and even less about NXIVM. Finding thing I was reading to be strange, I bought some of the hype. You were very open & seemed so genuine. I followed you because you are so relatable. I continued to read more into NXIVM and the case against Mr. Raniere and the members that had charges brought against them. I continued to question the public narrative.
I honestly feel that you have advanced the quest in questioning the flaws in due process. It's also enlightening to see how people from all walks of life can bond over shared search for equality and justice.
I want to thank you for being the sweet, warm person you are.
Now for the questions. Were you able to maintain the friendships you made in NXIVM? Are you still working as an actress or has this experience made it more difficult to get roles?
Thank you, Rita, for the kind words and for doing your own research. I know it's a complicated story, so I don't blame people who accept (and get scared by) the narrative that's out there. It's just difficult when people are committed to their position when they really have no idea what happened. I think we're all guilty of taking certain things at face value, but it's another level when you use that superficial perception to hurt others. Thanks for standing up for me, even though it can get a little spicy at times lol.
To answer your questions, I am still friends with many of the people I met through and during NXIVM. Some are public, like the women in the Dossier Project, and many more are behind the scenes because the reputational risk is too high to be publicly associated. Unfortunately, everyone is a lot more spread out than they used to be, so I don't get to see as many friends in person, but I suppose we're not alone in that since COVID.
I'm not currently working as an actress, although I do have a new manager and I'm open to opportunities. The media prejudice has definitely made it difficult to get roles. It's hard to say exactly how much because it's not like people are forthcoming with why they DON'T want you to audition, but I'm certain it's a factor based on what my manager has said and what I know about the industry. I'm hopeful the right opportunities will come along when it's right, however, so I'm not stressing. I have much bigger goals than being on TV again, even though I really enjoy acting.
Nicki, I find it so strange that no one in the community has come forward to discuss the technology of Executive Success Systems and NXIVM. I’m a student of NLP, Tony Robbins, hypnosis and various human potential philosophies and amidst all the narrative of the court case, I can’t help but want to assess for myself whether these techniques would help the broader public create effective personal change. Do people have manuscripts laying around their homes? How and/or when will these teachings get out there for the public to assess fairly?
Hi John, that’s an excellent question. I think one of the biggest tragedies in all this, besides innocent people in prison, is the number of people who won’t be able to benefit from the tools. Obviously I remain hopeful, but get dozens of messages from people wanting to have access. As for being able to share the curriculum publicly, it’s a bit tricky for two reasons. 1) The education itself was inductive and experiential, so you can’t get it from reading a page. 2) I believe the government took the rights to it and since the case is still active, I don’t know what the implications of that are. In any case, I really hope things change and that we can provide the education to the public, at least in some format, in the future.
It does kind of sucks that the seminars are unaccessible now. I've watched as many as I could find by digging around on the web. Mr. Raniere is a very charismatic speaker. His model for his seminars actually held a US patent.
Strange bit of self-indulgence, but the surprise is as in the text. So unexpected it's difficult to explain to people I work with, and I'm not sure I understand it myself so let's just say I'm emitting words without true comprehension.
This is going to be a long preamble into a little spark of life.
Advancing into old age, the last thing I expected to acquire in my life was a teenage girl as a kind-of hanger-on. She has a boyfriend - it's not that kind of relationship. He's an annoyingly nice, laid-back bloke. Insufferably so, in fact. In vocal terms, she is a Zeppelin full of words. Puncture it and they leak out under pressure in enormous volumes. None of which make any sense. She's like a word-processor on Benzedrine.
Some years ago I started working in a Pub (USA - 'Bar') locally and this girl joined the same day as me. She was under 18 then and had to leave work latest at Ten pm. After the lockdowns finished, she was over 18 and could stay at the Pub for closing and cleaning. Which meant she was leaving the Pub at maybe two in the morning. I think (don't 'know', just think) her parents are divorced since she's never once mentioned her father in three years, but I know she's had a very fraught time with her Mum. At least that's what I read into the omissions.
Since I started working with her (I no longer work at the pub) I've put her up in my house two or three times since things boiled over at home. However, house rules demanded she accompany me for the walks with the Dogs. There's a reason I can tweet at 2:00 in the morning - and it's not because I go to bed late..!...
So when she leaves the Pub at silly-o'clock in the morning, sometimes she's waiting for me outside the house for a dogwalk if things are a bit fragile at home. Whilst she's now in her early twenties and a archetypal airhead, she's also a victim of 'Education, education, education' (Tony Blair - 1997). I had to teach her how to tell the time from a circular clock. She wasn't taught at school. Until she met me, she thought that when the stars appeared in the night sky, that they rearranged in random patterns every night. So I taught her a little bit of astronomy and bought her a little portable telescope from Ebay.
That little bit of inspiration has hit her like a thunderbolt. I taught her how and where to spot planets and one morning she couldn't contain herself to tell me excitedly she'd used her Smartphone to look up some simple Astronomy stuff. She very proudly showed me where the Pleiades were, and explained to me what the cluster was. She now knows there are as many as two uses of a smartphone - Snapchat and Astronomy. (I'm not an astronomer....)
I never had children and it's been some years since I was married. However, I'm beginning to think I'm some kind of surrogate parent, or even grandparent. I get picked up and\or discarded at irregular intervals (just a term of language - I'm not being melodramatic or self-pitying, it's not a form of resentment).
I'm not certain if I'm trying to say anything really. Just that sometimes something comes at you unexpectedly from leftfield and against all the odds, you find you're mentally equal to it.
That’s a beautiful story, thank you for sharing. I love your descriptions, very vivid. Are you a writer? I am a big fan of “odd couple” type friendships and have had many throughout my life. From a 95-year-old admirer to a convicted murderer. I try to see people as they are and, perhaps, also how they want to be seen. We can learn from everyone and offer gifts in return. How wonderful.
Hiya. Thanks for the kind words.
I think 'odd couple' might be it. To the lady herself, in the right costume she'd be a dead-ringer for Carrie Fisher in 1975. Dark piercing eyes an' all. When her friends ask her about this odd old man she hangs around with, she tells them 'He's an intellectual'. (!)
A couple of years ago I came home late and she'd invited some of her girlfriends to my house for a cultural Vodka appreciation evening. I had to sleep on the floor. All beds occupied by near-comatose nimble girls. Two Rottweilers entwined somehow among them. (As per photo, Buffy and WIllow. Willow to the left as you see her.)
As it happens, it's nice. I like it. In fact, it's the best thing that's happened to me for some years.
As to your question - no, I'm not formally a writer. Over my years I've been extremely inarticulate, even to the point of being almost mute. The internet has given me a voice I'd never have had otherwise. Maybe say in communication terms, I'm a late bloomer. However, being you're someone who takes cues from written and script pieces, I'll take the implied compliment!
Do you have a dog? And if not, why not?
Asking because I don't understand chat threads so I figured I'd learn by attempting to participate.
Learning by doing is the only way, and you happened to have asked a deep question that I may write about. I don’t have a dog but I think about getting one a lot. I don’t have a backyard or a very stable lifestyle, so it doesn’t seem fair, but it’s kind of an indulgence I allow myself when I’m avoiding other things, looking at rescue dogs to find that one calling my name. (Spoiler alert: they all are 🤣)
Two thumbs up! Trying to figure this app out….ugggg
You and me both! I believe!
Hi Nicki,
I'm glad you're continuing to find the best inside this whole public "mess". I will be subscribed and follow along. Maybe even start something similar.
What is your perspective on a person who wants to comment or ask questions, but is afraid of what might happen to them if they do?
Thanks, Damon. I’ve appreciated your musings on the mess as well. It’s obviously a lot to unpack, but I hope to provide an alternative to the reductive and dehumanizing narrative that’s out there, even if it takes some time.
As for your question, I suppose it depends on what the fear is. If it’s a fear of public scrutiny, then perhaps doing so anonymously is an option. Although my perspective is that the more people who are willing to take a public stance, the more it makes it possible for others to come out of the shadows. It’s hard to be a pioneer, but somebody has to do it. I can only speak for myself, but it’s definitely been worth it to speak the truth despite the drawbacks.
...'...I prefer to collaborate...'...
You've been silent for a while and I suspect you're either hurting or rebuilding.
We're here for your. We can share, collaborate or just talk. If you CAN do this alone, then sorry for getting in your face.
But all the same, let us worry about you.
Hi Nicki, can you comment on your marriage to Alison Mack and whether it was a marriage of convenience or romantic love? A lot of people wonder this and so far I haven't seen you address it publicly (apologies if you have and I've missed it!!) Thank you.
I have addressed it, but it's still very painful for me to discuss since the government separated us and I have not been able to speak with her for nearly 4 years. I love her very much and only wish her the best.
Thank you so much for replying. I'm so sorry for your pain.
Hi Nicki! I would like to ask if your marriage to Allison was real? Did you really love her? Have you spoken to her since the divorce?
I'm not sure what you mean by real, but I love her very much and we had planned to spend our lives together. Sadly, I have not spoken with her in nearly 4 years.
I'm sorry :( Thank you for your answer.
Have you since found love again with someone else? Were you in love with Keith too during your marriage? I'm sorry if this is an unpleasant question, I don't want to hurt you, I'm just curious to know the answer. :) Thank you.
I appreciate it. I’d rather not discuss my personal life here, but maybe in a book one day :)
I understand :) looking forward to your book then.
Hi Alli, thanks for your questions. It seems that you might be misinformed about several things, but I'll answer to the best of my ability or ask for clarifications. I'm not sure what you believe Keith's stance on victimhood to be. Personally, I believe people can be victims and that one can also choose not to adopt victim mentality or create an identity around it. I have seen no proof of any malfeasance with regard to past members. If there is proof, I'm happy to look at it. I also never heard Keith say he was celibate, in fact the opposite. On numerous occasions, he declared publicly that he had sexual relationships. My experience of the curriculum is that it helped people understand themselves better and if they happened to have experienced abuse, the tools were helpful in removing any shame or personal blame the person may have experienced. It's unfortunate that the "media" out there takes clips out of context, so I understand the misunderstandings. Hope this helps a bit.